Owlspotting

What if Adidas’s purchase of Reebok would create the following “alternative market” merger:

Murat Gurlen, knock-off architect and owner of the Asidas brand, did not waste time when he heard the company he was ripping off planned to expand its market. Less than two days after the announcement, Gurlen contacted “next-street-over-neighbor,” Tarkan Osman, who makes his money by selling Ruibak, a popular Reebok fake.

– Tarkan, listen here brother, Gurlen is reported to have started the phone conversation with. I have good business idea for you.

Osman was stunned. Gurlen hadn’t spoken to him since Osman announced at the 1996 World Summit of Fakers held in Beijing, China, that he had first dibs on two other Reebok off-shoots, Rujbak and Ribook.

– Yes? Osman muttered.

Gurlen then launched into his carefully crafted pitch — how the German sneaker-maker bought an American rival and how this signals to the alternative market that they have to merge as well. It would be a first: Adidas and Reebok, Asidas and Ruibak.

– If you move in with me, Gurlen added, there will be more space to work in.

Osman knew that together they could take out Hasan Hash, who makes tons of money selling Niky, the cheapest alternative to Nike on the market. And, Gurlen was speaking the truth — Osman was selling less because he worked in a crammed basement studio, while Gurlen worked with two assistants in a three-room apartment.

– What are you offering? Osman asked to keep up negotiation appearances.

– A place for you to work at, two brand new rugs, a camel-ride coupon and a dresser packed with Turkish Delight.

– Deal, said Osman, who was sold on the deal just seconds after picking up the phone. He told himself how important it is to always follow the market. Asidas and Ruibak, Osman and Gurlen, together at last.

Note: If the characters of this fake scenario are Turkish is because Asidas and Ruibak were sold heavily by Turkish merchants in Romania in the late 1990 and early 2000. This posting is dedicated to them.