Owlspotting

I was cleaning ouy my grad school e-mail before it got purged and I came across this piece I wrote for one of Josh’s initiatives.

Yes, it’s satire — and it’s written in the fall of 2003, a couple of months after I got to the U.S.

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Most Americans dress in a similar manner.

Actually some of them are actually dressed the same way! You might call it conformity, lack of personality, Greek tradition or whatever. How about nostalgia for a communist regime that never existed?

Parading down the street, it is always you looking like an alien, shoes instead of rainbow colored and rainbow smelling flip-flops, wearing long pants instead of grey shorts with the name of the school engraved across the ass and wearing a t-shirt saying “what the fuck is wrong with my t-shirt?” instead of a plain white school-logo tee.

Granted these might be the Americans that have just had their yearbook photo taken, but somehow I doubt it. Keep hanging around in school (any kind of school – haven’t you ever seen a bus of Catholic school kids all sporting the latest in the “Jesus is my dawg” collection?) until your thirty and your feet will be flip flop mutated!

When it comes to women, they are all the same when it gets dark as well. For a foreigner, the variety is a necessity! It’s expected and requires! You have your tight hot pants blondes on the right. The short black top, low waist jeans brunettes on the left. And of course, you have your hot “wearing nothing but pink panties, honey” red heads waiting at home for you to finish your social studies.

As I was saying… Instead of sporting the difference, they are sporting conformity! Communist wear is in all across America and no is witch hunting these people back to the stores. Stop buying the white sleeveless tops and the blue jeans! Stop buying the same Nike’s, the same “these are almost flip-flops sandals” and the same low key, small purse that barely fits the lip gloss!

Communism across the planet forced people to dress similar to prevent social difference and class conflicts. Thus, you had no idea who were the rich and who were the poor. You had no idea who the real fashion victims were and no idea who were those that smuggled trend magazines into the country.

If communists would have been smart enough to invent flip flops, the whole damned place would have been the same in a couple of years! Without ever asking for it! There is always that something that will give us the feeling of being equal. The feeling that we all own the same and we all deserve the same. Communist try to impose the uniforms, while the flip flops won the crowds on their own, without a gun to the owner’s head!

Flip flops are a communist tool! It’s last tremor from the grave! Communism is on everyone’s foot and McCarthy isn’t here to help! What now comrade?