Owlspotting

Saturday afternoon I was walking into the NYC subway several yards behind this girl with a backpack. She was flip-flopping down the three flights of stairs ahead of me when she suddenly stopped, turned around and ran back.

I watched her and assumed she was a stupid Japanese tourist. However, as I went further I saw a homeless guy lying on his back, head propped slightly against the wall with one knee up and a nylon jacket draped over it.

Only when I was about five steps above him did I see that he was masturbating. Fearing a ‘Silence of the Lambs’-type moment, I stopped and briefly considered turning like the backpack girl. But then I remembered how f’n long it takes to get to Greenpoint.

I looked the guy in the eyes, not in a threatening way, just with my head cocked slightly to the side as if to say, “We’re both reasonable people…” He stared back, his four yellow teeth sticking out over his bottom lip. Then his nylon jacket stopped bouncing. He took out his hand and rested it on his stomach, as if to say, “I respect you, you respect me; please pass on by and have a nice day.”

I nodded my head “Thank you” and walked past him and around the corner. It was only when I got on the E that I started feeling so good about myself. Yeah for my ovaries and their steel composition! I used the steel ovaries on instinct — it didn’t require second thought. Evaluate options, use ovaries. It was better for my self-esteem than any nice boss comment. I feel like I can take the world now. Not even a masturbator can hold me back! Whoo hooo!